heaven isn't too far away

Jani Lane, the lead singer of Warrant, was found dead last night.

I don't think that this is big news to most people, not by a long shot, but honestly I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I don't think I've ever been this sad over a celebrity death (Ted Kennedy doesn't count) and it's thrown me for a loop.

Jani Lane was the first rockstar I ever met. I was fifteen years old and Aunt Di drove my best friend Elena and I to the Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom to see Warrant play. I got all dressed up in vinyl pants and a zebra print halter top and I'm pretty sure that I have never looked more adorable in my whole life. I was by far the youngest person in the crowd, and I probably looked so out of place rocking out to Warrant, but I didn't care. I was so close to the stage that I was getting hit by the beads of sweat flying off of Jani's body, and it was really as awesome as it was gross.

After the show the band hung out to meet and greet fans and I got a bunch of autographs and hung around and chatted with Jani Lane. I was, as mentioned, fifteen years old and even more spastic than I am now. Instead of blowing me off, Jani was exceptionally cool, taking pictures with me and talking to me and making me feel completely at ease.

I met him several times after that and he was always the same. It's possible that I've met nicer rockstars than Jani, but I was probably too busy freaking out to notice.

If I'm being honest with myself, however, Jani never really seemed particularly happy. He had major alcohol problems, weight issues, a crazy ex-wife (Bobbie Brown) and he seemed to really, really hate singing "Heaven." Or, well, he didn't seem to hate singing that. He did hate it.

Midway through every show he'd let out this deep sigh and inform the crowd that we had reached the "pussy ballads" portion of the evening. Then he'd launch into "Heaven," "I Saw Red," "Sometimes She Cries," etc. Even though they weren't my favorite songs (though I do love "I Saw Red" more than almost any other power ballad) I used to get really annoyed because really, dude? Power ballads were pretty much the backbone of glam rock. Power ballads put food on your table. STOP BITCHING.

But I get it. I always have gotten it, really, because that is legitimately the most boring part of pretty much every 80s rock concert I have ever been to. It's breaktime for the band, because the crowd does the singing for them.

So Jani Lane, I appreciate that you preferred to rock out with the crowd rather than let the crowd sing your songs, because I liked that better too.

I wish I could help how sad I am about this. I just have so many memories of Warrant, and they were such a huge part of me becoming me — I know I credit Poison with that, but Warrant was there too and I loved them. I still love them.

They haven't released any real information about his death, and I don't think I want to know anyway. Mostly I hope that he was happier than I remember him, and I hope that I was wrong about him being sad. I wish that heaven had been a little farther away for him.

Rest in peace, Jani Lane, and thank you for everything.